I have changed. I have planted myself here in San Diego and I plan to stay... at least, for now.
Through the simple task of writing down my goals in a place that I see everyday I have effectively started knocking down some of my short and long term goals.
One of my goals is to start opening up to the passions that I have long lost and not only rekindle those passions but to emerge myself in them. I am not really involved in social media and I have become recluse to a world I feel is in limbo. We are in a constant state of change and I feel that the lack of a positive direction to that change caused me to close my eyes to it but I am ready to rejoin the world and change along with it.
The idea of sharing thoughts and dreams on the internet has for a long time been a fear of mine. Although I really do work to keep judgement out of my life I am but human. And as humans we judge ourselves and others around us. In a world of crazy, anything you say or do has a way of attracting judgements from our peers. I believe that has muted my voice, this fear paralysis, and it has taken away the power I have been granted by the rules of man in this great country and that is my freedom of speech. My way of communication as well as declaration. This is who I am. Who am I?
My name is Jared Hamiter. Ham for short.
This is the start of my attempt to write my own reality. To take back my voice and strengthen it. As soon as I write it it is written and recorded in time not to be forgotten(as is the case with so many things I have said are too good to forget). This is not for the benefit or approval of others. It is but a tool. A tool that will strengthen my voice, ignite my lost passions, connect me to the world and it will teach me about myself and how I can change to be the self that I intend to be.
Peace and God bless us all.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
This life is running out on me like sand through my tired fingers.
At this time in my life I am living in with my uncle Dave and his daughter Lucy. Through them I see a side of family life I have not experienced. The two of them are very involved and have something special. As I sit in this house which is a gift to my uncle from his mother, my Grams, I wait beside Lucy so that she is not scared and can hopefully fall asleep. Sitting here I reflect on my life and the lives that go on around me. There are pictures on the walls of my cousins Rachael and Jessica. My uncle has been blessed with these three healthy daughters.
On the evening of Rachael's wedding to Shawn I was told by a beautiful brides maid, whose name escapes me, that with 3 rotations from a paperclip on a string that I too am fated to be blessed with three daughters. I look forward to that weight on my life. I have been without a loved one for quite sometime. I choose not to settle for someone who is not right for my future because the love that I have experienced with my ex and only girlfriend showed me how real love can be and left me decided that love is the only type of experience that I wish to be present for. Anything else is just an empty house with two people that are dying not to be alone but are blindly so.
I dream of my future travels and wonder if the love that I cannot look for will find me out there in the infinite. So much happening at once but as far as who I am my world is at a standstill.
Until peace is real and love rules the depths I will lye in waste with my full potential bleeding into the oil soaked streets. Asphalt to oceans, drifting to sea. One day the time will come for the spark from broken loners to ignite the streets and seas and bless the faces of those still trapped in the cold of shadows. To those that have forgotten how precious, our breathe our beat our warmth, the fire will open their souls to the page of love...
for in the drop of a moment, one broken whole shatters against another that shares in the patience of suffering, exponentially overflowing and setting the world ablaze.
I can feel her in the vibration of my future. My string leads her to me and my smile will break us free. She knows nothing but my love but knows that on this watch I am lost to her. All she knows is all I know from a whisper in a blanket of quiet... we will be
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
So when is the last time somebody asked you, "So, what do you want to do?"?
In this crazy world it is too easy to give yourself an excuse not to make something or do something that you really want to do. Something special to you that your heart cries out for but you have given yourself an excuse not to dream and take a backseat to this reality that we are so lucky to have.
I don't have any money.
It isn't a good time for me.
After I get a job.
When I am not involved in school would be better.
I am alone. Nobody will go with me...
When I see the beautiful souls that walk this earth with me I see an entire people that have no greater hope for this life other than to make it to the next day. I see so many people that are suffering together as one that couldn't feel more alone. We all feel alone despite our best efforts to surround ourselves with family and friends. In the great city of San Diego where I live I see people that are afraid to talk to one another, be it a simple "hello" or "good morning". Basic human interaction is at a stand still because we all fear that some crazy will put our lives in danger when the most simple gesture, a smile, can warm a person from the inside out. That feeling of acceptance, that little voice that tells you, "You are not alone.". Some call it good will towards men, some call it just being friendly or good ol' hospitality and I think it boils down to the most simplified explanation which is love. If you help a lady to cross the street.... it's love. If you give a man 2 dollars so that he has enough gas to make it home, that's love. If you feel bad when somebody misses the bus or you want to cheer up a random stranger that is having a really bad day, it is all love and we all know it. We all affect one another and there is that connection that cries out to us under the pan handling and ambulance sirens and senseless advertisements that if one of us does good then all are affected. If one of us falls among the many able hands that we have to help... then we all fall. I love you, the strangers, that I see everyday without needing a reason. I feel my uncontrollable urge to help people but the weight is so much that I too give myself an excuse and take a backseat to my dream...
what good is helping a few if so many suffer?
Well I can no longer tuck my dream away under a poor excuse and the weight that excuse has on my heart.
So, what do I want to do?
I want to help people. I want to help people that want to 'do' but feel that they cannot do it alone. I don't want alone to be an excuse anymore so this is your chance as well as mine. I ask you "So, what do you want to do?" and you tell me and I help you.
Conditions (there had had to be a couple but they are honest and go as follows):
1. I cannot provide any funding. To give money is not my goal and on top of that I have no money to give so if you want my help for your dream you've gotta come up with the green.
2. Whatever it is that I do, I do it with you in an equal effort to get your dream off of the ground. I am not here to do your chores but to aid you in accomplishing something that you alone could not. Some simple examples would a beach clean up, driving across country, skydiving, taking dance lessons, painting a mural for a school, studying for the bar, putting a vegetable garden in your front yard, etc..
3. I cannot help to do something that is morally wrong. Simple examples would be beating up a bully, hot swapping an Xbox from Walmart(Yes, even Wal-Mart), holding a clan rally... sticking to the ten commandments would probably be a safe guideline if you still have a question on the morality of your dream.
I am an honest person and I will do my best. I will try not to discriminate in any way. This is my dream. The simple task of putting this up on a site that nobody knows to look at has already taken me too long. As soon as you ask is when we both start living. I cannot promise happiness or success but together we can try.