Sunday, March 6, 2011

Life in a whisper

This life is running out on me like sand through my tired fingers.

At this time in my life I am living in with my uncle Dave and his daughter Lucy. Through them I see a side of family life I have not experienced. The two of them are very involved and have something special. As I sit in this house which is a gift to my uncle from his mother, my Grams, I wait beside Lucy so that she is not scared and can hopefully fall asleep. Sitting here I reflect on my life and the lives that go on around me. There are pictures on the walls of my cousins Rachael and Jessica. My uncle has been blessed with these three healthy daughters.

On the evening of Rachael's wedding to Shawn I was told by a beautiful brides maid, whose name escapes me, that with 3 rotations from a paperclip on a string that I too am fated to be blessed with three daughters. I look forward to that weight on my life. I have been without a loved one for quite sometime. I choose not to settle for someone who is not right for my future because the love that I have experienced with my ex and only girlfriend showed me how real love can be and left me decided that love is the only type of experience that I wish to be present for. Anything else is just an empty house with two people that are dying not to be alone but are blindly so.

I dream of my future travels and wonder if the love that I cannot look for will find me out there in the infinite. So much happening at once but as far as who I am my world is at a standstill.

Until peace is real and love rules the depths I will lye in waste with my full potential bleeding into the oil soaked streets. Asphalt to oceans, drifting to sea. One day the time will come for the spark from broken loners to ignite the streets and seas and bless the faces of those still trapped in the cold of shadows. To those that have forgotten how precious, our breathe our beat our warmth, the fire will open their souls to the page of love...

for in the drop of a moment, one broken whole shatters against another that shares in the patience of suffering, exponentially overflowing and setting the world ablaze.

I can feel her in the vibration of my future. My string leads her to me and my smile will break us free. She knows nothing but my love but knows that on this watch I am lost to her. All she knows is all I know from a whisper in a blanket of quiet... we will be